Slowing Down and Writing

I decided tonight that I need to resume this little bloggity blog of mine for a couple reasons. The first reason is because I have an AWFUL memory...like, my mission was only 3 years ago, and thank heavens I kept super detailed journals, because if I hadn't, I would have very poor recollection of many experiences. So since realizing this sad but true detail about myself, I have become a recorder of many things. I take many pictures (which most people know I post all the time:) I also keep a journal, specifically about Logan and her milestones, but it seems that I struggle to keep a journal specifically for myself, and other thoughts/ events in life. Sometimes my hand just gets tired of writing, so this blog has been useful throughout the years. The second reason I realized I wanted to resume this blog is because just today I read about an expecting mom who was extremely young, and was killed by a drunk driver leaving behind her little toddler and husband. I decided to google her to see if I could find out anymore details about the tragic accident, and came across her blog. I cried as I read back on her thoughts about life, motherhood, and the gospel. I thought to myself "what a blessing that her sweet little girl can one day read these words from her mommy...." I want my children to have pieces of me whenever that day comes (hopefully not for many many years) that I am no longer with them...I want them to know who I am, and know about my life. If no one ever reads this blog, that is A-Okay with me, but I also am a firm believer in sharing out lives with others in hopes that we can gain strength through each others experiences.

Today was a tough day for me. I struggle immensely with unplanned time-I am a planner and a goer and a doer...I can't handle idle time unless it's a reward for a long day of doing and going and working and playing. It just so happens to be a Saturday and we had NO PLANS...nothing, my house is immaculate because we have it up for sale so it's been being shown so I've had to keep it clean (trust me this is the one time ever in the history of life that this will be the case;), and we hadn't planned to do anything....somehow our week had been so busy, that we never even discussed what we would do on Saturday- not to mention we are trying to save money right now so going and doing one of the many fun activities that costs money wasn't an option. If I don't have some sort of goal or plan for the day, I literally waste it away, and that is what I did...or what I thought I did...

Come 7 o'clock I was blessed to go to an all women's broadcast at my church with my good friend, and that literally turned my whole perspective of my day around. There wasn't one particular thing that was said that changed my mind or my heart, but more so a feeling of the spirit of God, that spoke very personal truths to me. I realized that my day was NOT a waste, in fact it was a blessing!
I got to spend the day with my sweet baby. We got to take a nap together, we got to watch the Olympics which I haven't watched in years, we got to take a bath together and play and read, she got to try Macoronie and Cheese for the first time and LOVED it. These little moments are what make life!!! Being her mom brings me more joy than I can comprehend, and how could I feel like a day was wasted when she loved the day?! She had a great day just relaxing at home being with me--how could I not feel the same?

A talk was brought to my memory while writing this by Diter F. Uchtorf called Of Regrets and Resolutions where he states:

" Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.

Is it?

I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

I can’t see it.

Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time."

I am realizing more and more that it's not what you're doing, but who you're doing it with, and for, that matters. A full life is a happy life, but full doesn't necessarily always mean full of activities and events, full is the quality of the relationships we build, the time we spend with others, and the people we serve. 

Tonight I feel at peace. I feel a resolution to do better and to be better, and that is a good feeling. I love my family--they bring me more joy than I ever thought imaginable, and I owe all thanks to God who gave them to me.