I have too many thoughts going through my mind. I don't know if I felt that writing them down would release them, but something brought me here to write....
As we go about our daily lives we have these little glimpses into happiness, into the small amount of "joy" that we can truly comprehend. And then we experience sorrows, sadness, loss, hurt....and we are reminded of what we are in the grand scheme of things, how short and fragile our lives really are, and how quickly they can be taken from us.
I wish I had a jar that could hold time. Could hold little moments, could hold these little “joys”, a hug from my mom, graduating seminary, wrestling with my dad, fishing with grandpa, crossing the finish line of my first half marathon, the pink Easter dress that grandma brought home that I just adored, the Montana sky in July, 2 hour Barbie games with my little sisters.
I have only lived a mere 21 years now, so I can hardly consider myself an expert in any aspect of life, but one thing I do pride myself in, is my appreciation for other people and their role in the world, in my life, and in the lives of others. And yet so quickly, people are gone, and they are but a footprint in the memories of others, but to those who they were truly close to, they leave canyons. I know that the people in my life are already digging those canyons, and are influencing me in ways they don’t even know, and I will be forever grateful to them for that.
I suppose it’s weird that 2 hours after my 21st birthday, I am writing such a somber post, but I can’t help but consider how cunning time is, as the days go by, we feel that life stays the same, yet we wake up one day, and come to find that nothing is the same. So as I rejoice on this new beginning, and new opportunity, I also reflect on the life of a teacher who was lost this past week. I didn’t know her super well, but my little sister had her as her teacher for 2 years, and adored her. She was a mom to 2 children, plus hundreds more. Her life was taken, and I don’t understand why that is fair? Death can be so beautiful in some instances, but then you see women like her, who had a school that loved her, and children who knew her simply as their mommy, and all of a sudden death is a little bit more complicated.
Why do bad things happen to good people? As I thought about this, a quote from my scriptures came into my head, it’s by Elder Holland, and it goes along with D&C 122:8, “The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?” And Elder Holland states, “The wounds in the Lord’s hands, feet, and sides are signs that in mortality painful things happen even to the pure and the perfect, signs that tribulation is not evidence that God does not love us. It is a significant and hopeful fact that it is the wounded Christ who comes to our rescue. He who bears the scars of sacrifice, the lesions of love, the emblems of humility and forgiveness is the captain of our soul. That evidence of pain in mortality is undoubtedly intended to give courage to others who are also hurt and wounded by life…”
What a blessing it is in my life to have the clarity of the gospel, my heart aches for those members of her family who don’t have this understanding, that Christ can heal all wounds, I just cry and pray for her children.
I know that we can’t take this life for granted, it is beautiful and special, and an opportunity to learn so much, but I also know that there is a joy incomprehensible, that we don’t even know yet, and that joy comes from allowing ourselves to be rescued and healed by our Savior. He is hope that calms our sorrows, and the peace that will allow me to fall asleep tonight.
I really do love what Oprah said, I know I’ve read others quote it already, but she said it beautifully, To God be the glory.
That was beautiful. You may not have years and years of experience, but you have a depth of wisdom. Many hugs and loves to you and the happiest of birthdays. They only get sweeter and more joyful.
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